Growing up I wanted to be a counterculture hippy
free love? sex, drugs & rock and roll? peace on earth?
Let’s all turn on, tune in, drop out. Sound familiar?
Well, growing up, I always felt out of place. I was the one who was friends with multiple groups, but couldn’t see myself fitting in fully with any of them. I would flit from one to another, not able to quite find my niche. However, the classic label for me was that hippy chick who looks like Janis Joplin.
So, where did that name come from?
Let’s blame my love of 1960s counterculture.
When I was 13, I will never forget driving with my dad to our classic Gelson’s market spot. During the drive on Mulholland, he turned on Ramble On by Led Zeppelin. I couldn’t believe my ears.
“Dad, what is this music?”
“This is classic rock.”
My obsession began from there.
Being a research nerd, I began diving deep into classic rock. I became an encyclopedia of 1970s/60s rock and folk. I would wear band t-shirts, vans and jean shorts to school everyday. I would dream of jumping on trains with Americana musicians and traveling the country, free as a bird.
Once I was in high school, my research took me to a curious place. I found videos and articles on the origins of some of the folk and protest music I loved such as Boots of Spanish Leather by Bob Dylan and For What Its Worth by Buffalo Springfield. Suddenly, flowered dresses and people holding hands and loving each other were on my screen. I saw smiles and acceptance and thought I finally found where I belonged…50 years too late of course…
I asked my mom if I could buy some new clothes, a rarity in my house as I was never much of a shopper. I bought headbands, colorful outfits and combat boots. Suddenly, I felt more happy and like I could be kinder and more outgoing towards people. My creativity started booming and I was playing guitar, doing small art projects and living in my own little Summer of Love. I also refused to fit in with the status quo, similar to how hippies were. I wouldn’t get social media. I had fervent dislike of the government. I supported environmental activism. I listened exclusively to classic rock. And I journaled ways I could escape into the world.
As high school progressed, I developed some other habits similar to hippies such as cannabis smoking. This led to my hilarious senior year nickname Slater, from Dazed and Confused. And yes, I was that stoned. But, it was also a way for me to get along with everyone, as many hippies wanted as well. Think about it…no one is mean to the stoner girl because…
a. she has pot and you can buy it from her for parties.
b. she is friends with all the hot guys and you need to be on her good side.
c. she is always in a good mood and easy to talk to.
And as I got deeper into cannabis, I also got deeper into my love for nature. So, I took my tree huggin’ ass to University of Vermont to meet fellow hippies and study the environment. As I found myself more and more, the hippy persona dropped through the years. My style evolved, my music playlists expanded and I finally caved and got social media.
Although I would not classify myself as a hippy now, I still have fragments of myself that I correlate to growing up with that character.
So, why did this lonely California Dreaming girl love the 1960’s hippy culture so much?
One reason was rebellion. Hippies were rebelling against conventional social norms, cultural standards of their parents, white middle class values, consumerism, racial segregation, etc. Many of these were all things I found to be alienating and unhealthy about Los Angeles. I felt suffocated growing up. So, the idea of hippies finding their own way was very appealing.
I also disliked the concept of money and what is represented. I wanted to run away and live off nothing like Chris McCandless. When I would read Beatnik writings and listen to protest music, I felt like I had the courage to stand up for myself and find my own unique values. I mean, these flower children were activists who used LOVE as guerrilla street theatre to protest the Vietnam war - what a radically rebellious idea!
Another reason was freedom. I had to get out of my house. I was always a girl who knew she wanted something different, but was confined to societal standards and told I was wrong for my beliefs. Without going into stories, I needed to get away from the chokehold I felt as a young girl. And, frankly from a lot of the people I grew up with. I only had a few friends I truly loved to my core. So, I wanted to escape to far off lands and be free to find community just like me.
The third reason was community. I was lonely at my core. I had trouble finding my real people and wanted those around me to believe in more than Los Angeles…something and somewhere of substance that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But, I felt like these rock gods and hippies had found THAT something deeper. They explored spirituality, hosted peaceful sit-ins, lived on communes and danced together at Woodstock. So, when I watched movies and documentaries, free love felt so close to me. So, that’s when I found Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes - one of my favorite bands living in the present day, enjoying that community hippy lifestyle. So, I became the equivalent of a Dead Head to them. I even have a tattoo of their lyrics on my arm…
The last reason I think comes down to subject matter itself that fed my soul. No one around me was talking about things I was interested in, or I just couldn’t find them easily. No one was reading Rachel Carson and the Whole Earth Catalog. I definitely had an innate connection to nature, but I also wanted something simple and Los Angeles is the opposite of that. I was fascinated with subjects such as:
eastern religion
ashrams, temples & communes
rainbow gatherings
retreats
yoga
organics
biodynamic farming
permaculture
gardening
coops
intentional communities
raw veganism
road trips
music festivals
minimalism
free love
eco-villages
off-grid lifestyles
ethical consumerism
astrology
herbalism
french new wave cinema
deep and contemplative ecology
regenerative food systems
environmental art
psychedelics
earth poetics
ecological restoration
ecological design
sustainability
shamanism
I could go on and on…
Hippies opposed political and social orthodoxy, choosing a gentle and non-doctrinaire ideology that favored peace, love, and personal freedom. If there was anyone I could have looked up to growing up, I am glad it was them. I have a melded lot of those traits into my core essence. And although I don’t smoke cannabis anymore, now rock the short curly hair look, and have more of an Annie Hall type of clothing style, I still think there will always be little part of me that is that hippy girl from California who dreams of disappearing into nature and jumping on the Festival Express.
Especially in her insatiable quest for growth through discovery, exploration, adventure, and freedom.
Wow throw back to your growing up. I certainly learned a few new things about you. You will always be my hippie nature loving girl who stands out from the crowd in the best of all ways. :)